NEPA. 1.
The NEPA office was a 100 by 100 plot of land on which a 4 bedroom bungalow had been built at the extreme right hand corner, leaving the rest of the land as parking space for staff and customers alike. On this hot Friday afternoon Mr kehinde had just entered his office, still holding the NEPA meter he had taken from a house he had visited. The residents had complained that it wasn't working properly and he had agreed to remove it for a small fee and connect them direct, saying he would make sure they paid less. And they had agreed. Foolish people, he thought, counting the N5k they had contributed to give him; when NEPA meter was scarce they were giving up their own.
He sat down and looked at the map of the street he was going to visit today. It was a cul-de-sac, an enclosure and they hadn't had light for two months now. He smiled to himself smugly. One of the landlords had called him the night before and he knew a handsome sum awaited him as soon as he got to the place. Then he would fix their light. He was glad he wasn't married yet, too many things to enjoy with this money before a woman and children would tie him down.
He was planning his day when a young man a customer, came into the office and walked up to him.
"Sorry sir, good morning."
"Good morning." Mr kehinde said, a scowl on his face. This customer didn't look like he would bring money. He was about 5ft 7in, lanky, and was wearing a rumpled chequered red short sleeve which was soaking with sweat especially around the armpits. He smelt like he hadn't had a bath and his black trousers was rumpled as well. His eyes were slightly red as if he had been crying but on second thought Mr kehinde concluded it was a kind of irritation as the man also carried a dirty white handkerchief and proceeded to empty the content of his nostrils into it before asking:
"Please I want to make a complaint"
"Ehen? What's the problem?"
"Please my name is Chibuzor. I reside at number 19 Wilson street opposite market side..."
"Yes, yes I know the place. And so?" Mr kehinde was getting more irritated. This man was getting on his nerves.
"Sir,please I haven't had light for a month now. No water since last week as my two generators have broken down, and remember I came here two months ago to complain about the same thing. Please I need light." Chibuzor pleaded while absent mindedly scratching his chest which was covered in heat rashes.
"Have you paid your NEPA bill?" Mr kehinde asked while rummaging on his desk for his car keys. He needed to start moving to landlord's place.
"Yes. I brought it." Chibuzor said and handed a laminated sheet of paper to Mr kehinde. Mr kehinde's eyes widened and he laughed loudly.
"See this bros dey laminate hin NEPA bill o!" Other Staff in the room turned around to look and started laughing as well. Chibuzor kept mute.
"Sir," He said when the laughing had died down somewhat. "You told me the las time that you would attend to me since my NEPA bill was too dirty. So I've been keeping them carefully and only laminated this one because I thought you..."
"See this your bill is not correct oh." Mr kehinde interrupted, looking g over the laminated receipt. "This looks like you are still owing N2000 from last month."
"And I had light for only two days in that month. Are you now saying its N1000 I pay a day for NEPA?" Chibuzor said angrily. "And besides that's not the problem. I paid for it but it didn't reflect. I also complained about that too."
"Eh, maybe you don't have meter na." Mr kehinde replied and threw the reciept on his desk. "You people too like illegal connection then when you come here you'll start doing as if the whole world is after you."
"Sir, I don't have an illegal connection and that NEPA bill I gave you proves it! I just want light please. I have heat rash all over my body, I can't sleep at night because of the heat and mosquitoes no water and the place to fetch it is far and I don't have a car...please tell me what the problem is so I can see if I can fix it. "
"See am busy. Go and see that fat woman there." Mr kehinde said, waving his hand dismissively.
Chibuzor watched as Mr kehinde picked up his car keys and started punching numbers on his phone. Watery mucus dripped down his nose and he blew it out with his now wet handkerchief. He couldn't imagine going back to that house of his without accomplishing something. He had spent all his money servicing and reservicing his generators and light had been so poor over the past six months that his generators couldn't even keep up charging the inverters he had also bought all in a bid to keep power steady
His back and chest itched him maddeningly and for the upteenth time he wished he hadn't worn this shirt. It was the only clean one he had left however as there was no available water to wash his mountainous pile of clothes. He could smell his own body odour and that was a really bad thing. He looked towards the fat woman as she sucked a packet of ice-cream, chewing on it like it was going to be her last. He sighed and walked up to her.
Mrs Iwum was obese. There was no other way to describe her. Fair in complexion and short of stature, she looked like a misshapened sac of potatoes with a large bulbous head and arms and legs jutting out at the corners. She wore a free flowing gown to cover her flesh, thank goodness, and Chibuzor could not help but wonder how she could slurp a packet of fanyogo without any guilt.
"Wetin?" She asked as Chibuzor stopped at her desk.
"Good morning ma. Please I want to make a complaint. We have not had light for..."
"Una don pay una bill?" She asked roughly, some ice cream dribbling down the side of her mouth.
Yes ma." Chibuzor said and handed her the lamination. She scrutinized it for a while although her mind was actually on her cheating husband and the two annoying kids at home. Mrs Iwum was planning on running away soon. True she had just turned forty but she believed that a fool at fourty was a fool forever. She intended to leave her husband and kids for this new catch she had just found or else, she thought, she would be a fool. The bobo liked her for her 'endowments' and the sex was great! Recently the bobo had started asking for money too frequently, he wanted to buy forms in school, he wanted to pay for rent etc butshe ddidn't mind. She had the money to give and she knew she was doing it for love. Somepoeple had told her the guy was just a gold digger and she should patch things up with her husband but she had waved them off as enemies of progress intent on ruining her new found heaven. Right now she was thinking of where to get the money her bobo was asking for for his sick aunt as she had no ready cash on her at the moment and her eyes levelled on this skinny fellow.
"Oga na to get new transformer na hin be the problem oh." She said.
"New transformer?!" Chibuzor almost cried. "But we just got one last year, from this same office, from you people! Abi you don't remember me?"
"You know how many people I dey service, em see everyday?" She pouted. "A beg go back and tell your people that na to do contribution o, if not no light for one year."
"Please ma. Please look at the street at least to make sure its the one we are both talking about." Chibuzor pleaded. "I need light. I need light....I can't do anything again because of no light."
"Oya drop something make we go look the place." She said and took a bite from a second ice cream.
Chibuzor was expecting this so he brought out n1000.
"Bring N5k," she said. Chibuzor balked.
I
"See, mummy just come or send someone to come and look at the problem, I will surely settle you..."
"A beg o, no be my work." Mrs Iwum spat. "Go see victor..."
"No send am come here o a beg I wan watch match!" A thickset man said from across the room.
Chibuzor stood there as they began to argue with each other. In the end the fat woman turned back to writing on her desk while victor continued chatting on his phone. Chibuzor turned around and saw Mr kehinde grinning to himself as he counted some money and another customer...a young girl looked on angrily.
Chibuzor sighed. He stood there and closed his eyes as he felt sweat trickle down his forehead and back. A fly buzzed by and sand irritatingly in his ear before moving on. And the itching from the rash that had deprived him of three days sleep seemed to increase in intensity.
He dipped his hand behind his back and pulled out the revolver that his red chequered shirt had been hiding. He aimed it at the fat woman who was still looking at her documents and mumbling something about unserious customers. He pulled off the safety and the clicking noise attracted the woman's attention and she looked up.
"Ha...!" She began, but the bullet had already hit her skull. It was a high velocity bullet, spinning as it went on its projectile path of doom and since Mrs Iwum was shot at point blank range, it shattered the bone, went through the brain carrying some brain matter along with it thus increasing in size, and the burst out from the back of her thick head, taking a huge chunk of flesh, brains, bone and her right eye with it. Mrs Iwum's body rumbled a bit like a bowl of jelly that had been bumped into. Then her whole massive frame crashed down on her desk amid a spray of bright red blood mixed with white and grey matter.
And then the screaming began
The NEPA office was a 100 by 100 plot of land on which a 4 bedroom bungalow had been built at the extreme right hand corner, leaving the rest of the land as parking space for staff and customers alike. On this hot Friday afternoon Mr kehinde had just entered his office, still holding the NEPA meter he had taken from a house he had visited. The residents had complained that it wasn't working properly and he had agreed to remove it for a small fee and connect them direct, saying he would make sure they paid less. And they had agreed. Foolish people, he thought, counting the N5k they had contributed to give him; when NEPA meter was scarce they were giving up their own.
He sat down and looked at the map of the street he was going to visit today. It was a cul-de-sac, an enclosure and they hadn't had light for two months now. He smiled to himself smugly. One of the landlords had called him the night before and he knew a handsome sum awaited him as soon as he got to the place. Then he would fix their light. He was glad he wasn't married yet, too many things to enjoy with this money before a woman and children would tie him down.
He was planning his day when a young man a customer, came into the office and walked up to him.
"Sorry sir, good morning."
"Good morning." Mr kehinde said, a scowl on his face. This customer didn't look like he would bring money. He was about 5ft 7in, lanky, and was wearing a rumpled chequered red short sleeve which was soaking with sweat especially around the armpits. He smelt like he hadn't had a bath and his black trousers was rumpled as well. His eyes were slightly red as if he had been crying but on second thought Mr kehinde concluded it was a kind of irritation as the man also carried a dirty white handkerchief and proceeded to empty the content of his nostrils into it before asking:
"Please I want to make a complaint"
"Ehen? What's the problem?"
"Please my name is Chibuzor. I reside at number 19 Wilson street opposite market side..."
"Yes, yes I know the place. And so?" Mr kehinde was getting more irritated. This man was getting on his nerves.
"Sir,please I haven't had light for a month now. No water since last week as my two generators have broken down, and remember I came here two months ago to complain about the same thing. Please I need light." Chibuzor pleaded while absent mindedly scratching his chest which was covered in heat rashes.
"Have you paid your NEPA bill?" Mr kehinde asked while rummaging on his desk for his car keys. He needed to start moving to landlord's place.
"Yes. I brought it." Chibuzor said and handed a laminated sheet of paper to Mr kehinde. Mr kehinde's eyes widened and he laughed loudly.
"See this bros dey laminate hin NEPA bill o!" Other Staff in the room turned around to look and started laughing as well. Chibuzor kept mute.
"Sir," He said when the laughing had died down somewhat. "You told me the las time that you would attend to me since my NEPA bill was too dirty. So I've been keeping them carefully and only laminated this one because I thought you..."
"See this your bill is not correct oh." Mr kehinde interrupted, looking g over the laminated receipt. "This looks like you are still owing N2000 from last month."
"And I had light for only two days in that month. Are you now saying its N1000 I pay a day for NEPA?" Chibuzor said angrily. "And besides that's not the problem. I paid for it but it didn't reflect. I also complained about that too."
"Eh, maybe you don't have meter na." Mr kehinde replied and threw the reciept on his desk. "You people too like illegal connection then when you come here you'll start doing as if the whole world is after you."
"Sir, I don't have an illegal connection and that NEPA bill I gave you proves it! I just want light please. I have heat rash all over my body, I can't sleep at night because of the heat and mosquitoes no water and the place to fetch it is far and I don't have a car...please tell me what the problem is so I can see if I can fix it. "
"See am busy. Go and see that fat woman there." Mr kehinde said, waving his hand dismissively.
Chibuzor watched as Mr kehinde picked up his car keys and started punching numbers on his phone. Watery mucus dripped down his nose and he blew it out with his now wet handkerchief. He couldn't imagine going back to that house of his without accomplishing something. He had spent all his money servicing and reservicing his generators and light had been so poor over the past six months that his generators couldn't even keep up charging the inverters he had also bought all in a bid to keep power steady
His back and chest itched him maddeningly and for the upteenth time he wished he hadn't worn this shirt. It was the only clean one he had left however as there was no available water to wash his mountainous pile of clothes. He could smell his own body odour and that was a really bad thing. He looked towards the fat woman as she sucked a packet of ice-cream, chewing on it like it was going to be her last. He sighed and walked up to her.
Mrs Iwum was obese. There was no other way to describe her. Fair in complexion and short of stature, she looked like a misshapened sac of potatoes with a large bulbous head and arms and legs jutting out at the corners. She wore a free flowing gown to cover her flesh, thank goodness, and Chibuzor could not help but wonder how she could slurp a packet of fanyogo without any guilt.
"Wetin?" She asked as Chibuzor stopped at her desk.
"Good morning ma. Please I want to make a complaint. We have not had light for..."
"Una don pay una bill?" She asked roughly, some ice cream dribbling down the side of her mouth.
Yes ma." Chibuzor said and handed her the lamination. She scrutinized it for a while although her mind was actually on her cheating husband and the two annoying kids at home. Mrs Iwum was planning on running away soon. True she had just turned forty but she believed that a fool at fourty was a fool forever. She intended to leave her husband and kids for this new catch she had just found or else, she thought, she would be a fool. The bobo liked her for her 'endowments' and the sex was great! Recently the bobo had started asking for money too frequently, he wanted to buy forms in school, he wanted to pay for rent etc butshe ddidn't mind. She had the money to give and she knew she was doing it for love. Somepoeple had told her the guy was just a gold digger and she should patch things up with her husband but she had waved them off as enemies of progress intent on ruining her new found heaven. Right now she was thinking of where to get the money her bobo was asking for for his sick aunt as she had no ready cash on her at the moment and her eyes levelled on this skinny fellow.
"Oga na to get new transformer na hin be the problem oh." She said.
"New transformer?!" Chibuzor almost cried. "But we just got one last year, from this same office, from you people! Abi you don't remember me?"
"You know how many people I dey service, em see everyday?" She pouted. "A beg go back and tell your people that na to do contribution o, if not no light for one year."
"Please ma. Please look at the street at least to make sure its the one we are both talking about." Chibuzor pleaded. "I need light. I need light....I can't do anything again because of no light."
"Oya drop something make we go look the place." She said and took a bite from a second ice cream.
Chibuzor was expecting this so he brought out n1000.
"Bring N5k," she said. Chibuzor balked.
I
"See, mummy just come or send someone to come and look at the problem, I will surely settle you..."
"A beg o, no be my work." Mrs Iwum spat. "Go see victor..."
"No send am come here o a beg I wan watch match!" A thickset man said from across the room.
Chibuzor stood there as they began to argue with each other. In the end the fat woman turned back to writing on her desk while victor continued chatting on his phone. Chibuzor turned around and saw Mr kehinde grinning to himself as he counted some money and another customer...a young girl looked on angrily.
Chibuzor sighed. He stood there and closed his eyes as he felt sweat trickle down his forehead and back. A fly buzzed by and sand irritatingly in his ear before moving on. And the itching from the rash that had deprived him of three days sleep seemed to increase in intensity.
He dipped his hand behind his back and pulled out the revolver that his red chequered shirt had been hiding. He aimed it at the fat woman who was still looking at her documents and mumbling something about unserious customers. He pulled off the safety and the clicking noise attracted the woman's attention and she looked up.
"Ha...!" She began, but the bullet had already hit her skull. It was a high velocity bullet, spinning as it went on its projectile path of doom and since Mrs Iwum was shot at point blank range, it shattered the bone, went through the brain carrying some brain matter along with it thus increasing in size, and the burst out from the back of her thick head, taking a huge chunk of flesh, brains, bone and her right eye with it. Mrs Iwum's body rumbled a bit like a bowl of jelly that had been bumped into. Then her whole massive frame crashed down on her desk amid a spray of bright red blood mixed with white and grey matter.
And then the screaming began
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