Saw this and had to post;
Living in Lagos is no child's play. Lagosians will make that notion abundantly clear to anyone who cares to listen.
Lagos announces itself to you as you are about to enter the city from the Ojota end of the city. "This is Lagos!" Old dwellers say it is a warning, some others say it's heads up. Head or tail, you have been duly warned. It is not like the surrounding cities where you are told 'Welcome to…'
From the get go, it is a baptism of fire. Your initiation into the rituals that come with living in Lagos has started; willy-nilly. Certainly, the initiation is gradual but surely. Every contact with all the elements in the city takes away something from you and replaces that with an ingredient that will make you survive in the city. Survival is the only thing that matters here.
If you are a fresh graduate and have arrived in the city in search of greener pasture; well,depending on how strong your faith is or that of your mother or how long your legs are, the city might automatically tag you a job seeker. Once successfully tagged, it is going to be a long journey into the world of uncertainties. You are not alone, Lagos is home to many job seekers.
Assuming you arrived in the city with everything already in place for you; say good job and decent accommodation, the city still won't give up on you. You haven't purchased your own car yet, so you have to live by the mercies of 'made in Lagos drivers' a.k.a DANFO drivers
In a Danfo bus, your home training will be put to test. Forget your irritation for bad breath and body odour; get ready to be baptised with some handsome doses of those. Your 'fine boy' will also be threatened by those wonderful mothers who are also out to eke a living for their families. Your destinations maybe different, but the same medium is conveying you all.
Couple of months down the line, God hears your cry and blesses you with a car. Congratulations! You have escaped those Ojota/Mile12 market women. Welcome to the world of "don't jam my car o!"
The irritants are no longer the innocent women who stained your well starched and ironed TM shirt in those days you used to jump yellow buses. Your greatest irritants now are Danfo drivers whom you thought you've abandoned for life.
Due to the unending demands from the city, an instant attitude is born in you. Everything that is not instant is an enemy. And the city major players know that too. They develop a solution. The world of INSTANTS. Instant food, Instant noodles, Instant promos, Instant digestion, Instant wash, Instant sex, etc. Everything can be be arranged instantly.
The city players are wise men; they know that INSTANTS alone will not be enough. They come up with MADE EASY. Dating made easy, Cooking made easy, washing made easy, everything made easy. And you comply. Don't worry, compliance is a reflex action in Lagos.
As Mr Ardent radio listener. You grab your radio in search a radio station to settle with. As if there is a conspiracy somewhere; all the radio stations offer you the same kind of songs. From David o to PSquare to D'Banj to Tuface to Whizkid. How come you want to be different? That is what everybody is dancing to jor; you better find your dancing shoes and join the komole.
For the male folk, to think you live such a good life and won't be detected by our Lagos sisters is a joke. You don't need to know them; but believe me, our lovely sisters have seen you and are already planning for you. It is just a matter of time, you path will cross with one of them. Welcome to dating in Lagos! Soon enough, you will know the names of all the getaway spots in the city. No movie premier will pass you by, that I can assure you.
"Do not forget the gathering of the brethren!" So you decide to keep that injunction and then find a church to attend. Depending on the part of city you stay, you will hear sermons custom made for you. The sermons are mostly targeted at your wallet and not your soul. After all, God loves a cheerful giver.
You mean you've stayed in Lagos these years and haven't heard the Lagos pledge- "Eko Oni baje!"? I'm sure you must have heard, only that you have not bothered to find out the meaning. It is a phrase that indicates that ACN is the ruling party here. Well not exactly. It means Lagos will not deteriorate. ACN has since metamorphosed into APC.
None of your colleagues has married or given birth? Did you say they have? Then you must have worn aso ebi. Omo Eko!
That is what I have been talking about. Lagos can never leave you the way you arrived.
BLOG ANALYSER: I couldn't help bt laugh. It is just the truth.
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